He shoulda been born in Brooklyn.

If only Jerry had been born in Brooklyn, he'd be jumping at the Apollo.

Nothing to say.

This post is just to indicate to everyone that I have nothing to say, that's why I've been saying nothing. In lieu of having nothing to say, I will say this:
Updates on Elite 8:

Josh Guest: still single, has a new blog, a better blog, works in the pre-law office, and recently had a close encounter with the law, well not really, but if they knew what he did...

Nat Harward: still single, just decided to run for BYUSA president next year, still convinced that BYUSA is the greatest organization... ever. still having trouble getting second dates

Bryce Allen: kinda single, has friends with benefits, accepted into advertising program, working at MTC, still scares women and children with fanaticism while watching sports

Lowell John Crespo: now single, still draws a lot, recently addicted to the new Call of Duty game, doesn't know how to meet women.

John Brunt: recently single, also addicted to the new Call of Duty game, going to graduate soon, went to china

Stefen Zachary Oates: still single, has found the one 8 times and 8 times she's become the one who got away, spends all his time working and not getting paid for it, claims to still be our friend but never hangs out with us...

Derek Senior: still single, still hopeless, still thinking his band can go somewhere, still hates his major

Jeremy Lindstrom: still jump ropes...

Dane Rhalf: has officially left the group for new friends, better friends

That's what we're up to. Any questions?

DATING TIPS!!!!

Ok Fellas,

This is an ESPN article on first dates and dating advice given to us by the top college football coaches in the land. So liken them unto you.

The Dash looks for dating advice around the country
Forde

By Pat Forde
ESPN.com
(Archive)

Updated: September 23, 2008
Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (coaching-box laptop [1] sold separately in South Bend, and completely innocuously, and never to be used to help gain a decided schematic advantage of any kind):

Dating X-And-O's
The latest proof that Texas Tech coach Mike Leach (2) is among the more fascinating football coaches on the planet comes from this YouTube clip. In it, Leach dispenses dating advice on his coach's show. Among his first-date stratagems: Avoid salad-intensive menus, thus "the girl will be forced to eat in front of you, which is something that women hate, but the earlier the better." Also: If the conversation is lagging, go to a coffee house so you can talk about "the bizarre-looking characters going in and out."

How long before Mike Leach gets an eHarmony endorsement?
What date could go wrong with advice like that? No wonder Leach's offenses score so often.

The fact Leach would field the question is tremendous. That he discussed it with a stone-cold straight face is supernatural, but in character. Leach could open the door to fetch the morning paper, be greeted by a Tyrannosaurus Rex on the front lawn and fail to change facial expression or voice inflection.

But it also got The Dash wondering what dating tips other coaches might offer young men on their campuses.

Bobby Petrino (3): "Flatter her all night -- but keep your eyes open. If you see a hotter girl, pretend to go to the bathroom and then slip off to get her phone number."

Rich Rodriguez (4): "Go with the no-huddle offense, and hope she doesn't respond with the no-cuddle defense."

Pete Carroll (5): "Treat her like someone special. Pour on the charm. Then once you get a commitment for a second date, make it clear that you have seven other bombshells lined up if she doesn't put out."

Bob Stoops (6): "It's all calendar-related. I've always had great success on first dates in September, October, November and December, but they bomb in early January for some reason."

Mike Gundy (7): "If she says something you don't like, stand up in the middle of the restaurant and scream your age at her."

You'll probably have better luck with Anya Monzikova's briefcase on "Deal or No Deal" than on a date with her.
Charlie Weis (8): "If things start going badly, remind her how lousy her ex-boyfriend was."

Jim Tressel (9): "Keep it conservative. Maybe an ice cream cone followed by a little sweater shopping. If she has a Southern accent, give up immediately."

Bobby Bowden (10): "Make that date last forever. Even if it's no fun by the end of the night and you can tell she'd like you to leave, just keep hanging on."

Joe Paterno (11): "Take her to see one of those new-fangled motion picture shows. I hear they have some in color these days."

Nick Saban (12): "Tell her you're too busy breaking down Tennessee's third-and-long offensive tendencies to go on some stupid date. Where is your commitment, son? Who gave you permission to have a life? Drop and give me 20."

And if your date turns out to be Dashette Anya Monzikova (13), bring your A-game and hope it's good enough.

Talk Like A Pirate Day

Dear Elitists,

I just wanna be wishin' y'alls a most genial Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day, the case of cawrse being that today be the 19th day in this month of September, yarrr. May you be lettin' your pirate sides show and may ye be gettin' yur share of the booty. Otherwise I be keepin' it fur me-self.

You Broken-Hearted Lassies awrt to be makin' pirate comments a plenty as ye be reveling in yon Fall Festival.

And John, ye best be spectin' me to be a Pirating at the anniversary shindig of yaws birth. And yer girly wench friend April is apt to be a might peeved with me mannerisms. But I be a peg-beaked parrot and a fiendish knave of the toothless sart if I ever let the likes of a woman's wrathful scourge keep me from speakin' me piece.

ARRRRR

Weezer Concert

Hey Elites, I just dropped about $430 on Weezer tix so the quicker y'all could pay me back, the better it is for me. The concert is on October 7th. it's a Tuesday, it's at 7:30, and tix are $53. Below is a list of who is going and who hasn't paid as of noon on 9/16/08

John B.- paid
Ryan- paid
Phil
Josh R.
Bryce
Derek

Thanks guys,

Love, Jeremy

Death to the Speakerbox

Dane, will you please tell your German life partners to come get their speakerbox out of our humble kitchenspace? We need more liebensraum, man.  Don't be a frau.

It seems as though the Elite 8 gene pool has been severely watered down and then urinated in.

Exhibit A: The Elite 8 seating list as of 9:42 MST.

Adam Paora George Ruri
Deidre Edmunds
Elizabeth Anne Bell
Summer Valynn Price
Nathanael Jones Harward
Rebecca Edwards
Riena Suene Kalilimoku
Nicole Leilani Erickson
Cynthia Louise Swenson
Ryan P Stewart
Preston Coe Rigdon
Steele Michael Kizerian
Brandon Alden Snow
Brooke Stevens
Ian Esplin
Suzanne Mace
Lowell John Crespo
Jessica Annik Crane
Ryan Joseph Harman Brunt
Kaeli Ann Widmer
Cassidy Sherene Berghoff
Amanda Kizerian
Catherine Lily Bell
Tarah Latimer Ogzewalla
John Harman Brunt
Andrew Ross Godard
Elise May
David Kirk Jenkins
Alexa Christine Smith
Derek Andrew Senior
Julie Christine Lisonbee
Aaron Patrick Smith
Benjamin Douglas Nielsen
Miriam Jackson
Tess Marie Brown
Sean Gregory Young
Daniel Bruce Rupper
Rebecca Ruth Paul
Eric Robert Bell
Bryce Douglas Allen
Heather Jolie Burt
Kevin Hansen Brown
Marcus Franklin Johnson
Norman Taylor Seibold
Sarah Beth Gillespie
Brent Keith Homer
Joshua C Guest,

For a good laugh

So there I was perusing through the work telephone directory on my Microsoft Outlook at work, when many of the names caught my attention. Some indeed invoked audible chuckling. I present them now...perhaps you will find the inspiration for a future child's name. Who knows...

Melon Dong
Sky Xiao
Lemon Jiang
Article Zheng
Stone Zhang
Hebbe Liu
Nasi Li
Pen Zhao
Agao Chen
Salna He
Yoli Xia
Cherry Chen
Tisso Zhang
Winger Xu
Vendy Wu
Hunkim Zheng
Wellington Wang
Pink Ouyang
Snow Xue
Bardy Wong
Sanis Yip
Mirror He
Yuky Liu
Echo Gao
Tom Tong
Away Wei
Noopy Chui
Heymans Ho
Coffeea Wong
Jerssin Qu
Apple Pan
Winner Li

New York TravelBlog done

Dear Brethren,

The TravelBlog for New York has been completed. You may find it at guestmusings.blogspot.com

John Tesh. Josh Groban. Fonzie. Thumbs up. Chuck Norris.

Dear Brethren,

I have decided to go independent on my blogging endeavors simply because I want 100% of the advertising proceeds. Also the Elite8 will have plausible deniability for when the feds come after me from inciting uprisings, telling racist jokes bordering on the level of qualifying as hate crimes, and of course telling stories of the illegal activities carried out mostly by Bryce, Derek, and Nat, with the occasional stories of exhibitionism by Zack and soon-to-be Jeremy.

You all can find me at guestmusings.blogspot.com, though I imagine I'll be back. I'll be so alone on my own blog.

Cheers,

Josh

Heeeelllo

Hey all, I have a new cell phone number, 862 258 0891...so ya...  GET IN THE POT!! 

New York trip: Day 1 and 2

Okay, I was sort of hoping this whole New York trip thing would sort of blow over since I knew that some of the guys at home were pretty upset with having to go to school and work and continue the angst and sexual frustration of the old King Henry place and the new Foxwood place. I thought the story of our trip would just send some over the edge and wipe out dozens in Brigham Square on a shooting spree (Nat?).

Since this is going to take a while, I am going to do this in segments. So here is Day 1, Friday, April 25, 2008.

13:10 Bryce and Josh throw neighbors' penguin Christmas decoration into tree.
13:12 Bryce and Josh throw eggs (6) at aforementioned penguin.
14:15 We load our stuff into Bryce's cousins' car. Bryce and John packed large luggage and are forced to share one seatbelt while Bryce's excessively large bag takes up two and one-third of the backseats. Josh sits in front with one of my two carry-on sized pieces while John and Bryce cuddle in their one seat.
16:29 Check in at airport. John pays $80 for overweight luggage. Bryce refuses to pay $80 and moves toiletries to his carry-on backpack. Josh's two carry-on sized pieces make it through without problem.
16:32 Bryce caught trying to smuggle toiletries containing more than 3 oz. of liquid onto plane. Bryce forced to surrender toiletries to security. Josh tells security lady that it is Bryce's first time leaving his small community and it is his first flight. She thinks it cute and allows me to take a picture of Bryce getting his toiletries confiscated.
17:21 Josh wins overwhelmingly over other passengers at in-flight trivia game. Raises fist in air to taunt other contestants.
Mavs win basketball game.
John laughs.
Bryce buys "The Golden Compass" with credit card for in-flight movie.
Bryce falls asleep watching Golden Compass.
John starts word puzzle.
John decides word puzzle is impossible.
John gives word puzzle to Josh.
Josh solves word puzzle in 30 seconds.
John orders cranberry juice to clean kidneys.
Josh orders tomato juice.
Bryce orders Sprite and a pocketful of mumbles (such are promises).
Gay man-steward calls Bryce "Sweetie" because he didn't know how to put his chair up for landing.
Gay man-steward helps Bryce with his chair.
Bryce gives back the pocketful of mumbles.

Day 2 - 04/26 - Saturday
01:00 Arrive at Crespo home - John Brunt kills Josh at ping pong.
01:12 Group meets John C's dog, Tonti. (Authors Note: When we heard that John was really excited about seeing his dog. We (or at least I) thought that it would be some mean giant German shepherd or something like that. It turned out to be this plump, little weiner Dachsund that was just sort of pathetic and didn't do anything. For the rest of trip I would call the dog "Hey Tonti, I-Can't-Believe-You're-John's-Dog")
01:32 John Brunt and Josh sleep in the same bed. John didn't realize what was happening until the next morning.
11:00 Everyone has to use one travel-size tube of toothpaste. Because Bryce gave his toothpaste away to the airport people.
11:32 Josh didn't know there was shampoo and used bodywash in lieu of shampoo.
12:30 - Sister Crespo tells us the story of how Stefen Zackery Oates called a girl and asked her out on her first date. After she accepted, Zack yelled, "April Fools" at which point the girl realized that she had been on speaker and heard the entire Priest's Quorum of Zack's ward. Apparently the invitation was feigned as an April Fools' Day "prank". The girl in question could hardly stand to show her face in Church for a year. We also found out that Zack tried asking out a 14-year-old.
14:15 Ferry to Ellis Island. We read maps looking for restaurants. We found a gay lounge. (I am not making this up) The location: Hell (see"New York City Day by Day" pg. 26).
15:00 Arrive at Ellis Island. We check out one audio tour so we don't all have to pay. We take turns rotating as narrator to entire group. Ellis Island is famous of course for being the location where millions of people saw Will Smith make Eva Mendes cry in the movie "Hitch."
While on Ellis Island we found out the origins of certain words like podunk (Algonquin), schnook, banjo, bum, nix, bud, schlep, ouch, schlock, futz, savvy, schlepper, tote (Totes!), boondock, phooey, poppycock, bozo, hunky-dory, kibitz, schnozz, shtik, schmo,
15:25 - Ellis Island is the tower of Babel. Nobody speaks English.
15:40 we learn that an x inscribed in a circle means that someone is definitely mentally ill. X is suspected mentally ill. S is senility. We felt like writing X's and S's on people's clothes with chalk. Just like they used to in the olden day.
16:35 We arrive on Manhattan Island at Battery Park taking the same ferry they used in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." Took our picture with the Statue of Liberty in background. John Brunt poses fitting an entire garbage barge in his mouth.
16:36 The first thing we do in New York? John C gets his picture next to a man dressed like Spiderman (Bryce thinks he is the real Spiderman. "That's his voice," Bryce says). Bryce takes picture with man who is dressed as Statue of Liberty. Statue of Liberty makes Bryce wear his Hepatitis-laden statue paraphernalia, makes Bryce pay him $1 for getting his picture with him. Bryce doesn't know how to just say no and walk away.
16:40 We spend 5 minutes trying to make the chiming steps play the notes to "N-B-C"
17:00 Arrive at Ground Zero. As we take a moment to reverently contemplate the bravery of those involved in the incident at that historical place, a short Asian man is clotheslined by a Parking sign.
17:05 Street protestors hand Josh a leaflet talking about the 9/11 conspiracy, setting a precedent for the rest of the trip. Josh would accept and keep anything that anybody handed him on the street for the rest of the trip.
17:20 St. Paul's Church. Saw George Washington's pew.
17:30 got bored of St. Paul's Church.

To be continued

did the NY trip actually happen??

i thought we were going to get a report of the NY trip??

publish some stories!!

Apartment Meetings

Okay, so apartment 36 just had its very first apartment meeting with none other than our very own Stefen Zackery Oates conducting. Interestingly enough, the meeting lasted just as long as our old apartment meetings used to, although Joshua Guest was not present. Turns out that without the loud, obnoxious, completely irrelevant comments, outbursts, and otherwise indescribable verbal dilenquency of our beloved Josh Guest, Zack Oates can and will take up the same amount of time talking about who knows what, just vying to retain the center of attention. Therefore, take your pick: John Crespo trying ever so hard to keep the conversation focused amidst the ranting of Josh Guest, or Zack Oates using big lawyer words and wanting us all to vote on names for his new assortment of aquatic pets in Mason jars. I laughed harder in the old meetings . . .

Are we being paid for allowing Google to advertise on our blog page?  Ecspecially for "adult singles in out area" ads?

Conversation with Jeremy Lindstrom

So Jeremy and I were on our way to get tickets to see Dashboard Confessional with the Warped Tour. And Jeremy says to me, "Hey Josh, bleen, I think it is about time to get tickets to see All-
American Rejects, they're my favorite band."

I was like, "Yeah, Jerry. Yeah."

Jeremy said, "Hey, have you ever tried eating an entire bottle of antacids?"

I acknowledged that I had.

He said, "Well, I haven't. You know, I have done a lot of acid in my day. But not a lot of antacid. You think they are a lot alike?"

I told him that I didn't know. Perhaps doing "acid" was a lot like consuming "antacid." I doubted it, but there was no way of knowing until I tried.

Jeremy said, "Well, maybe we should offer some goat sacrifices to the heathen god of Ball to find out."

I said, "Jeremy, you dolt, we have no goats. And it is spelled Baal."

Jeremy said, "How could you tell just from the way I said it outloud that that was how I was spelling it in my head?"

I told him, "Antacids will do that to ya."

Jeremy kissed Zack.

The end.

Conversation with Zack and Jeremy

The following text messaging conference took place to me today.

Zack: josh, if its not 2 much trouble, could you please clean the sink today? cul8r
Josh: Will you please fix the shower?
Zack: u think u gangsta, nigga? york and jersey are both gonna kill ya, ttyl
Josh: Dude, is this Jeremy?
Zack: yes, actually I am partying with Hillary Duff and the Jonas Brothers.
Josh: That's cool, tell Hillary to stay the Hill out of my Duff or I'll Duffin' Hill her.
Zack: OK, jk lol, rofl, lmao ;-)
Josh: How did you get Zack's phone? And how did Zack get my number?
Zack: josh, its not really jeremy, we R the jonas brothers, and we are dating zack and jeremy. we got your number from the olsen twins and mary kate said you can stick it where the sun don't shine
Josh: sadly, that actually IS what she said

Terrace Newsfeed

While in the Terrace at the Wilkinson Student Center I succumbed to peer pressure and went up to the microphone and began a fully serious reading of the Newspaper section "Campus Pulse." The question said "How do you think the university's decision to publish student's ratings of professors will affect your educational experience?"

Instead I told those present that the question was "How do you think the university's decision to permit faculty-student dating will affect your educational experience?" Then I read the following answers:

"I feel it will improve my educational experience. I feel it will improve the quality of professors' lectures." - Emma from Blue Springs

"I think it might affect the way I choose my professors, but other than that, it won't affect my education much." - Daniel from New Mexico

"I think it won't affect me that much. I think it will give me a comparison, but overall I don't see it having much of an impact." Erin from Alpine

There were other inappropriate things said. But we'll leave it at that.

Love,

Josh

Conversation with Library Circulation

The Library sent me an email recalling a Billy Joel sheet music book. They want it back. It was an automated email, but I figured it might be fun to respond. Here is the conversation we had on April 1, 2008.

Dear Patron;

The following item is being recalled by the Harold B. Lee Library in accordance with the policy below. Please return this item to the Main Circulation Desk before the recall due date noted.

Title: THE BEST OF BILLY JOEL

M 1630.18 .J63 B32 1985 VOL.2

Recall Due Date: APRIL 8, 2008

...

Thank you for your cooperation. If you have any questions, please contact us at 422-2913, or reply to this email.

Access Services Department

Holds/Recalls Secretaries

3445 Harold B. Lee Library

Brigham Young University

Fine, you can have it. I won't fight it. That's cool. Ain't no thang. Mos def. Yih, you know I be diggin' on dat music by mista William Joel. But iss aight. Me and my buds goin' be clubbin' on clubs and jammin' out tunes like whoa, ya know? We be likin' that Bill. But if we caint have the Bill, then iss aight.

Proper.

Totes.

Holla.

J-flub, out. Piz-EACE y'all.

Wow, can I tell you that that just made my day? Thanks.

Y'know, gurl . I be glad dat you be mackin' on mah streetsmart vernacular. I be poppin' out dis multifarious verbiage from da cradle to grave yo. If'n you needa talk to somebody who be backin' yo back (ya' never know when somebody goin' be wakin' up from breffist o somethin' and says to hisself, "Oh! I hate my life, I'm going to burn this library down!" And you goin' be needin' somebody to keep yo' back, I mean keep it yo.) You can just email me. You can email me. Yih.

B-Snap. ShaZAM!

Pretty women, big thugs, one and the same.

J-flip. a-WHAAAA!

Out.

Thanks for the offer. You should apply to be a security guard. I’m sure with all that experience in the ‘hood, you will be able to handle anything, right?

Suck it, Trebek.

Top Ten Most Unattractive Things for Girls to do Better than Guys

10. keep up with Sports Center
9. play football
8. pound food
7. guzzle drinks
6. belch after pounding said food and guzzling said drinks
5. fish
4. Settlers of Catan
3. fixing cars
2. two words: video games
1. one word: Halo

Most Attractive majors for girls
10. Dietetics
9. Dance
8. Art
7. MFHD
6. Exercise Science
5. Elementary Ed.
4. Music
3. Broadcast Journalism
2. Humanities
1. Nursing

Most Unattractive majors for girls
10. Business
9. Print Journalism
8. Religious Education
7. Philosophy
6. Physics
5. Social Work
4. Chemistry
3. Poli Sci
2. Engineering
1. Psychology

More TOP TEN

Top ten best person/object matchups

10. Mike Fonc. and LoveSac
9. Nat H. and BYUSA
8. Zack O. and "That's what she said..."
7. Dane R. and APEX
6. John Br. and Super Smash Bros.
5. John Cr. and Injuring Himself
4. Camilla P. and The Artist Formerly Known as ALLCAPS
3. Marshall and The Inspiration Behind the Artist Formerly Known as ALLCAPS
2. Alyssa M. and Stupid List
1. Jeremy L. and Stretchy Pants

TOP TEN

TOP TEN Best matches in the ward THEORETICAL
10. Mike Fonc. and Aimee Arch. (Both crazy)
9. Derek S. and Amy H. (Both Texans)
8. John Br. and Carly B. (Both hot...according to the "most attractive" list)
7. Zack O and Sarah Row. (Ben Fold's "Zack and Sara")
6. Dave H. and Laura N. (Two short beautiful people)
5. Mitchell P. and Ellie (Most spiritual)
4. Josh G. and Allie H. (Practically brother and sister)
3. Bryce A. and Chelsea T. (Aryans)
2. Nat and Sarah C. (Underrated artists)
1. John C and Ellie (Ward prayer = Divine matchmaking?)

TOP TEN Best matches ACTUAL (present and former)
10. Jordan and Kristen
9. Stephen and Rachel
8. Marshall and Camilla
7. Gretchen and Dane
6. Kristen and Dane
5. John Br. and Melissa
4. Derek and Camilla
3. John and April (1st time around)
2. John and April (2nd time around)
1. Bryce and Brooke

Another fallen...

Gentlemen, it's done; I have succumbed and I am now a facebooker. I have nothing else to say.

and the Elite8 is published again!

Alpine’s baggage

You’d be a fool to think you can compare
rent on a 12-month contract to an
8-month fall/winter rate. Because the
value of a Provo apartment diminishes
between April and September, the real
cost of a 12-month rate for the fall/winter
season is higher.

Suppose you decide to live in Provo’s
fresh and spicy Alpine Village next
year. At $375/month, the total cost of
your 12-month contract is $4,500. But if
for spring and summer terms we value
an Alpine Village apartment at $225
(which is generous considering many
s/s rates are cut more than half), your
real rent rate for fall/winter jumps to
$450 to cover the total $4,500. Gulp.

So for 1 1/2 times as much as most
students pay to live south of campus,
you get a small flat screen TV, granite
counter tops, an excessively large
bathroom area, the same bed you had
in the dorms and a personal “desk”
that’s really a table crafted with fine,
laminated particle board and imported
powder-coated steel.

Anyone who buys into the novelty
of Alpine Village deserves to suffer
the premium price of living in, as one
current tenant describes it, a “super
sweet” place that’s “always charging
and fining you for something.”

If you’re smart enough to avoid this
front, then you’re also smart enough to
know there are plenty of places where
you may buy into a healthy social
crowd without the extra baggage of four
months’ rent that you don’t need and no
one wants.

Article on Bryce Allen

JOSH GUEST
BYU Daily News

Bryce Douglas Allen is afraid of girls.

"Girls to me are rather confusing," Allen said. "And it's human nature to fear what you don't understand."

Contrary to his claims, the 21-year-old advertising major, studying at BYU, has no trouble getting along with others.

"Everyone in my family is pretty outgoing," Allen said. "We're always talking, there is always noise."

Allen epitomizes the classic American country-boy upbringing. His mother teaches kindergarten through eighth grade in a two-room schoolhouse. His father is a rancher who also happens to be the mayor of Allen's hometown of Antimony, population 170.

"I grew up in a pretty small town," Allen said. "Two hours from the nearest mall, one hour from Wal-Mart, one hour from the movie theater, one hour from McDonalds."

Though cut off from mainstream American culture, Allen does not consider himself any different from his peers, even among a diverse BYU student body.

"The fact that I grew up in a tiny town on a cattle ranch doesn't make me a hick or some social weirdo," Allen said. "I'm sociable, though deep down in my heart I am a little farm boy."

According Allen's roommate Nat Harward, 21, from Cincinnati, Ohio, Allen is easy to get along with.

"He always finds a way to say something clever," Harward said. "He is a center of attention because of his humor."

Allen has even put himself in harm's way to be a people person. When he was 13 years old, Allen was injured while trying to break up a fight between two classmates.

"I tried to break it up," Allen said. "One kid just shoved me and I broke my arm. So ever since I just stay out of it."

Five years from now Allen sees himself graduating from BYU, married with children, and teaching seminary.

"My secret dream is to become a seminary teacher," Allen said. "I'm going teach seminary to high school students and it's going to be awesome."

Foxwood wards

According the BYU grounds webpage:

BYU 113th Ward:
Foxwood Apartments
La Jolla Condos
Pioneer House
Royal Oaks I

BYU 142nd Ward:
Foxwood Condos
Canterwood Condos (I think this is where Alyssa O'Bryant an co. lived after freshman year)

I'm in

I officially am in contract for S/S and F/W with Foxwood. Has anyone not signed yet?

Foxwood Cleaning Check Policy - get ready!

If you were annoyed by King Henry's cleaning checks policy, check out this mutha from Foxwood:

"•Cleaning checks: A monthly cleaning check will be performed. The inspection will be conducted sometime between 9 a.m. and 5 p.m. on that scheduled day. Each roommate will be required to complete cleaning as divided on the form. It will be up to the roommates to decide who has which cleaning assignment. Each roommate is expected to do his/her share of the cleaning or charges will be assessed accordingly. All re-checks will be charged a $10 fee for the area that fails, the roommate responsible will be assessed the fine. If at any time you fail a re-check, you consent to LREM having the area cleaned and charging you $30.00 an hour per person for the cleaning (2 hour minimum)."

KH is $5 for re-checks, and $20 an hour limited to only the minutes that it takes to clean where you failed.

Two hour minimum? That's $60! Perhaps they will be more lenient...

BYUSA Candidates

I just went to the Q&A for BYUSA Presidency candidates.

The experience cemented my satisfaction in having chosen to work for the Green Team.

Voting is next week fellas. Do it.

1st Round: Mon - Wed
Finals: Thu - Fri

APARTMENT

Here I take my stand, brethren.

I just won't pay more than I paid for King Henry. I normally wouldn't even have paid as much as we do pay for King Henry right now. But I didn't have much choice coming off of the mission.

This may be stretching the doctrine, but I think that to live in a place such as Alpine Village is going against our current Prophet's counsel to live within our means. I know that our parents in some cases are willing to pay as much, they have those means. But imagine us being cut off from our parents, we would not be able to live in Alpine Village and live within our means simultaneously. We should not want to try. It just is not realistic for us as college students. I think there are many lessons to be learned from living in humble lodgings that we have yet to learn. Those of us who plan on starting families in the near future have to get weaned away from such cushy amenities and get used to living like the poor college students we really are.

Personally, I like the idea of living in something of a dump like Campus Plaza and staying close to campus. Call it foolish masochism, I call it prudent minimalism. Many great men who have gone before have had to live in such conditions. On the other hand, do any of us know any great people who have had everything they wanted just given to them?

Also, this way we can keep members who want to follow the group, like Mike Rees, without lying to the Alpine Village owners by saying he is a BYU student when, in fact, he is not.

Of course the idea of settling for less when you can have more seems to go against modern popular wisdom, and I think that's partially why I like it. "Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less travelled by. And that has made all the difference."

I am Josh. I am a bold Lamanite.

Crossword

Hey guys, if any of you read the Tuesday, February 12, Daily Universe, you would see that I put a second copy of the crossword where the Sudoku should have been.

So yeah, chalk it up as my first major screwup at the Universe. Hopefully the last, but probably not.

If a friend asks, "What kind of idiots do they have working there?"

You may proudly answer, "My roommate is the kind of idiot they have working there."

Then they'll say, "Wait, Zack did that?"

To which you may say, "Yeah. Yeah he did. And he shamelessly walks around naked at his workplace too."

Josh and Allie...almost siblings?

The latest development. After I was telling my parents about my date with Sister [Sandy1, F]. I told my mom about her dad's profession. Guess what... my mom and her dad used to date and were almost engaged!

My mom wrote to him during his mission, I guess he broke up with her. But all my life my parents have told me about how my mom could have married the president of NuSkin. And apparently, in her family, her mom has been known to say, "You should have married Sue."

We'll have pictures later of the two parents, Allie and I could have been brother and sister! but... yeah, what could this possibly mean? We'd like to hear your comments.

Guest post from Def Leppard Veteran

This is George, John's older brother, given temporary access to post on this blog. I would like to spend the time I have here encouraging the authors of this blog to proudly and courageously bear the Def Leppard torch with a marked indifference towards the threats of low-level and petty employees of the BYU intramural athletics organization.

Some weeks ago, I gave you my blessing in resurrecting a noble institution, even going so far as to authorize the use of the Def Leppard name. I have recently learned that fear of intramural banishment has caused certain members of the group to fail in this sacred trust by not upholding the time-honored ideals of Def Leppard Basketball.

Here's a little refresher course:

1. Def Leppard is not, in fact, about the sport of basketball.
2. At no time should the team ever focus on winning the game.
3. Letter-of-the-law sportsmanship and rule-keeping is a must - in fact, this concept taken to its extreme can be an entertaining and rewarding part of the Def Leppard experience. The limits can and must be pushed.
4. Although Def Leppard started its first season (1997) for the purpose of mocking others, we quickly shifted our focus toward entertainment, both of our fans and ourselves, and toward gaining free publicity for our social group.
5. The more spectacle and controversy, both on and off the court, the better.

Applying the guiding principles outlined above, I'd like to point out that only good things can flow from an underling within the intramural organization attempting to ban the team.

Unfortunately, the deeds of my generation have caused certain modifications of the official rules, which present an uphill challenge for the current team. Specifically, I understand that there is a rule against dressing or acting in a way that makes a mockery of the game. Fair game. You will have to work around this rule by being specific in your on-court strategy. There must be a certain earnestness in everything you do.

In dressing up, don't wear drag (like we sometimes did) or a business suit (ditto). Instead, go as extreme as you can with hardcore, old school, ridiculous court attire. You can still wear the other stuff during pre-game warmups, and so can your fans and support staff. The worst they can do (legitimately) is ask you to leave. As long as your players show up at game time in "appropriate" basketball attire, they have to let you play.

Let's assume that you, as a group, grow a pair and decide to do the Def Leppard name proud in your next duly scheduled athletic competition. The absolute worst thing that can happen, so long as no one dies, is that someone at the game tries to ban you. First of all, you shouldn't care about your eligibility to play in something as lame as college intramural sports. Second, being banned would be an amazing opportunity to cause a ruckus off the court. I'm thinking appeals process, fan petitions, letters to the editor, flyers, newspaper stories, local newschannel coverage, picketing protests in the "Wilk" and so on. Def Leppard is about so much more than playing basketball.

You are not there to mock the game or the system. You are there to shine a light on the retardedness of the system. Your team may have to go down as a martyr and give way for the next generation to take up the reins. If that happens, go out with a lot of noise and have fun while doing it. Point out that you are willing to abide by every rule of the system, cheerfully. You just have a non-traditional approach to enjoying the sport of basketball and should be allowed to pursue that.

It should be noted, here, that a majority of our trick plays are not "mocking the game." They are actually every bit as effective as traditional basketball plays (except Football Play - that one never works and is a little bit mocking). A general guideline for the creation and execution of plays: you are an eager, yet dim newcomer to the sport of basketball with some misguided ideas about how to win the game. Keep track of your success rate. Ours was easily over 50%.

Further, who within BYU Intramural Sports has been ordained keeper of the true spirit of basketball? How on earth can they claim that eager individuals thinking out of the box about ways to score are mocking this indefinable concept of "the Game?" This is just one of the things that makes the intramural institution so ridiculous and mock-worthy. That's what you are there to show. Not by open mocking, but by exposing the whole process to the larger BYU community. Let others mock what you uncover. Rallying other students to your cause, publicly overcoming a putative banishment, having fun the whole time you are doing it - that is true Def Leppard-osity. Rent the movie Footloose. Fight the idiocy and smallness pervading the system. Not by open rebellion, but by having a good time.

Wimping out at this point places you squarely within the system you set out to shake up. Don't be so willing to back down.

Also - any half attempts at playing Def Leppard basketball are just so not ok with me. If you're not going to take it over the top and really go for it, please just change your name to Poison and play regular ball. Continued authorized use of the Def Leppard name is spefically conditioned on carrying on in the spirit of your forefathers.

Seriously.

Italian Dinner Sunday

Dear Elitists,


Hey guys, remember that auction I won? Well, I won an Italian dinner for 6 people at 7:00 on Sunday in the apartment of Alyssa M, Kristen M, Asia S, Sarah S, Laura N, and the new sister. I am taking one spot for myself, the other 5 are on a first come, first served basis. So the first 5 to respond to this blog get to go.

Have a great day guys!

Utah Flash assessment

My perspective of the Utah Flash:

I think that the Utah Flash are losers. They send out losers to try and sell season tickets to a public that doesn't care. Why insult my intelligence trying to get me to shell out over a hundred bucks to see every game when I would be hesitant to go to just one game for free.

Here's my chain of basketball watchability (Note: the same may be true for skill level as well)

1. Olympic basketball tournament
2. NBA
3. NCAA Men's Basketball
4. WNBA
5. NAIA Division 2 Men's basketball
6. County school district Donkey Basketball fundraiser
7. YMCA kids division 8-10 year olds.
8. Whatever league the Utah Flash plays in.
9. Def Leppard fan club actually trying to win.
10. Wheelchair basketball.

So you see, I do grant you that the Flash are better than me and the wheelchair players, but the but the Flash aren't nearly as cute to watch as the amputees on wheels.

It's like going to a high school game except you don't know any of the players, none of them are even your friend's little brother. So why go? You shouldn't.

Stop trying to put the JV team on a pedestal. The NBA has already proven to the world that Americans are content with fancy mediocrity. To validate the Utah Flash in their attempts to be a professional team worth paying to watch is to just promote straight up, un-fancy sub-mediocrity.

It's almost like the XFL. Remember watching them? These were all the players who weren't even good enough to get into college football teams. The Utah Flash can do no better for they are no better.

The Elite 8 Blog

I remember when the blog used to be fun and entertaining to read; reflecting what the Elite 8 represents.

Forgiveness

I just want to make it known that I forgive whoever the perpetrator was that egged my car. I will not be seeking retribution nor retaliation. I speak for myself and no one else. Anyone may express their opinions in the comments.

Since Cincinnatus' car was not egged nor his apartment, his previous statement which has since been erased and re-written by Drock should not be considered as a reflection of the views of the group directly affected by the action, namely apartment 36. As the Elite8, he is right, we will not retaliate as a group. I do not speak for #36, but for my part, I hope/expect that the perpretators will come forward and make appropriate restitution, be it voluntarily or obligatorily.

I applaud his loyalty and concern. I only state that the "we" as stated in the now disappeared post does not include me.

Polar Ducks? Please!

Congratulations to Dane on getting published in the Daily Universe.

Polar ducks really are an issue. Way to create awareness.

Attention all Readers

I think it is time that I make some things known publicly so that all of the misunderstandings and the egging of my car can stop. I have recently been called, relative to the subject we are now considering, selfish, rude, inconsiderate, insensitive, mean, unwilling to cooperate and stupid. I understand that if you look through a single isolated zeitgeist and paradigm you probably would think that. Maybe if I share some of the unknown information, you might be able to broaden your understanding and maybe... just maybe change your minds. All need to understand that the previous post of ProDate vs. ProWait was an isolated conversation between two people; between two secondary and even third person sources. None of them were primary. Hopefully by giving you a primary source you might be able to understand a little more clearly. I am not going to use the completely conspicuous code names, but just go right out and state them. I intend to offend no one with what I'm going to say.

First of all, I would like to address the issue of selfishness. I have been called selfish because supposedly I have told people that they're not allowed to like each other because it will hurt my feelings. As far as I recall, I haven't said anything of that nature. I still do have feelings for Camilla. It has taken a lot longer for them to subside than expected, probably due to the close proximity of living quarters and the infrequent associations that we still have. I know that she doesn't feel the same way and that is also what makes it hard. I can live with it. Other people have taken her on dates and that is completely fine. I didn't say anything about it. The thing that hurt most was that it felt like they were trying to go behind my back. If my friends want to take her out, that is completely fine, I just wish that they would let me know instead of me finding out by chance and feeling like they were trying to hide it from me. So if it is selfish to ask your friends to not go behind your back, then yes I am selfish. As for me asking people not to date Camilla because I still have feelings for her, that, I have not done. So Camilla it is ok for you to date Jeremy or Nat or whoever it is you like from our group. I'll be fine. Don't hold back because of me. Guys, just do what we talked about in our meeting, that's all I ask.

Secondly, I have been called uncooperative, rude, mean, selfish, etc. because I have not been the one who has stepped up and tried to bridge the gap of communication and recover the friendship between Camilla and myself. I forgot when this became my responsibility. In case anyone forgot, I was the one who was dumped. I am the one who still has feelings for her. And as selfish as that might sound, it really does hurt to be around her. If anyone has ever heard one of the songs I wrote, the chorus line is "Seeing you and knowing you're not mine is a dagger that's piercing me inside of my heart." That really is how I feel. So you may call me selfish for not being a glutton for pain. I really try to act normal when she is around and not ignore her and I'm sorry if I'm not doing the best job but at least I'm trying. And I know that everyone is biased against me and says that I should be the man and step up and do it, but it's something I choose not to do because I really don't enjoy the emotional heartache it brings.

So you may continue to think that I'm a horrible person, I really won't mind. But at least now you know the facts.

and the response is in!

Engl312 - Persuasive writing.

The prompt:

"This third rhetorical situation will require something a little more intimate. Think of someone close to you—a friend, a roommate, a family member, an acquaintance, a secret crush, a neighbor—and write a persuasive personal letter to him or her (or them) in which you attempt to convince your audience of something. It can be about anything. You might know someone who's about to make a bad decision, or you may have a long-standing argument with a friend. Write a letter (or email) to that person using any of the rhetorical strategies we have read about in the first part of Ancient Rhetorics. You should include research as necessary."

My letter, hand delivered at end of class, 1:40p.m. Mon, 4 Feb '08:

Dear [Valencia, f, member of said writing class, former fellow freshman ward member, and former home evening group "daughter" of author in said ward],

I shouldn't even have to write this letter to you. I imagine it may blindside you. It shouldn’t, but it might. Then again, I think you’re sharp enough to realize I was trying to pretend like I didn’t hear you when you asked who I was writing to—though I am totally sure you know I heard—and because I’m positive you were fully conscious when I asked you on two dates since learning that you are single. Both times you were unavailable. Shakespeare said it best: “The course of true love never did run smooth” (A Midsummer Night's Dream, I,i,5). And now to the chase: after an exhaustive and painstaking investigation of the dating pool, I’ve determined that I’ll never find the perfect girl—and even if I did she wouldn’t dig me—but you strike the balance of nearing perfection and yet being capable of having a lapse in judgment to take a chance on me. So let’s date—regularly. Should you fear a huge and sudden leap, please remember Elder Oaks’ distinction between dating and courting; his dating—planned, paid for, paired off, simple and frequent—is the kind of dating I am talking about ("Dating versus Hanging Out," Ensign, June 2006, 10).

Now before you feel compelled to answer, step back for a moment and let’s agree on something. Consider first this “hypothetical” situation: A gal asks a guy, pretty much out of the blue, if he is dating anybody. He says, “no I’m not. Well, not anyone steadily.” He pauses and then asks, “Are you?” The girl, almost immediately, says, “Nope.” Moments before this conversation takes place, the guy and the gal we are considering have a brief conversation suggesting, with some humor I admit, that they should work together because one’s strength is the other’s weakness and vice versa—in other words, you could say that the guy and the gal complement each other. Moments after exchanging dating statuses, neither of the two mentions that they are pursuing anyone else. So that’s the situation—as I experienced it.

Here’s where agreeing will be important: a legitimate conclusion the guy may draw is that the gal wanted him to know that she was available for dates—in the very least that she’s not opposed to going on dates with him. If a single girl is not pursuing other options and asks a boy about his dating status, especially when she brings it up, the boy has every reason to believe this girl has a measurable interest in him. True? In fact, if you were the roommate of the girl in this situation and found out the boy never asked the girl on a date, I can imagine you throwing your arms up in despair: “how are men so oblivious?!” If I have entirely misread this situation and my conclusion is a blunder, then I will concede error and you may stop reading my words. If, however, we agree, please read on.

Now something this girl could to do be helpful to the boy—assuming she is interested—is to be sure to suggest alternate times if she is unavailable. “I’m sorry that’s not going to work. What about next weekend?” “Oh no! I am already (fill in the blank), could we do something Thursday instead?” Similar, short, simple statements suggest small but significant interest.

So, [Valencia, f], let’s agree to regularly make time for each other over the next several weeks and go on some dates—one won’t do, the first few are always awkward. We may just find that we do complement each other and we have something to learn together; we’ll be better off for trying. Have no worries about long-term commitments or tight exclusivity—we’ll figure out how to cross those bridges should we journey that far. One bridge, however, that I’d like to cross right away is the awkward process of me fishing in the dark as I guess when you have a free night. If you favor my suggestion, let’s sit down with our schedules and find some common open space in our busy lives. The great Cat Stevens sang: “Two fine people should love each other. Two fine people should help each other…”

Respond as you please. Be clever if you wish. And please, don’t leave me hangin’ too long.

[signed]

[the author of this post]


Her response, *drum roll please,* sent via private Facebook message, 9:02p.m. Tues, 5 Feb '08:

Subject: A much less witty response...but a response nonetheless :)

Hey [Cincinnati, m]!

Thanks so much for your letter...talk about well written!! :) I really appreciate what you wrote. Now I'll take a turn explaining my side...even though it will be much less eloquent...hehe...

The day we talked in the computer lab and I asked you if you were dating anyone...I didn't realize that I came off as eager for a date as you described. lol But I was asking because I thought it would be fun to catch up sometime. Later on that same day, I ran into a guy friend of mine that I've known for quite a while. We had tried dating in the past and timing was always off for us. But we ran into eachother [sic] again that day and started talking and catching up. He asked me out numerous times over the next few weeks and we started hanging out and now we're dating. That is why I was busy when you invited me out. Nothing was official between me and my friend, but things were starting to progress. Sorry for not being more direct with you - just didn't know quite what to say.

I'm also sorry to have given you the signals to ask me out and then not follow through. I didn't know things would pick up with my friend right around the same time.

I hope that makes sense...and sorry again for any confusion. Dating is one of those crazy things that isn't often very predictable it seems. I appreciate your friendship and your willingness to let me know how you feel. And you are one persuasive writer...if I weren't starting to date someone else, I'd have loved to catch up and hang out with you!

Hope you're doing well...see you in class tomorrow [Cincinnati, m] :)

[Valencia, f]

Meeting

Just wanted to remind you that we are meeting tonight before the basketball game at apartment 36 at 7:30.

the documentary

After participating in my first day of shooting footage for Josh's documentary, I must say this is going to turn out incredibly. Little does anyone know just how perfectly cohesive will be the independent interviews of the participating individuals. This will rock yo socks. HOLLAA!!

Def Leppard

As many of you have heard, I was e-mailed by the director of intramurals and was basically told that our behavior in the past game was not in compliance with the rules and that all of our games would be forfeited for the rest of the season if I did not go in and speak with her.  So, as of tomorrow, I will be turning myself in.  

If I never make it out, I want you all to remember me as the coach that led you to an 0-1 record.  It wasn't easy, it took time, two practices each averaging about 15 miuntes long, and a heart of gold.

If they just talk to me then thats cool too.

I will of course try to compromise with them, but in the end if they will not allow it, then it's time to put our game faces on, whoop some serious a and show these fools who we really are.  And moon them a lot.

For anyone that wants to stand outside the intramural office while I am in there with picket signs, creative chants asking for the continuance of Def Leppard, having a prayer vigil, lighting candles, holding hands and humming ...that would be awesome.

I love you all.

Coach Crespo

Everything I need to know about life I learned in HEPE

I was told today by a girl that you can tell a lot about a man by his shoes. A rather Gumpish sentiment if you ask me.

In any case, apparently my shoes reflect that I don't match, am cheap, and am prematurely aging into an old man, velcro straps are less than two years away for me.

I just wanted to put that out there because I don't have any particularly funny things to say today.

Oh, and word to the wise, don't ever tell a girl that you would consider using her as a rebound in case your current relationship doesn't work out.

Anything that requires an alarm clock is too early.

Ladies is terrorists too, go and brush your shoulders off.

We all need to take a deep look inside and look at our body mass indexes. Or as Zack might say, indeces or or indexi.

Proper.

Big Announcement

To all my fellow elitists,

I suppose that now is the time to tell you all something i have been holding back for quite some time for reasons of fear and confidentiality.

Dane Rahlf's love life has been something quite interesting in the past semester. We all know that it all started with a little mishap with the infamous Brittany. Well... Brittany and I have been talking since Christmas and decided then to give it another shot. I have been out on a few dates with her, and have lied about a couple of people that I took out (ie the girl that I went to the BYU young ambassadors was not named "Alena," it was Brittany). Sorry for the dishonesty, we wanted to make sure it was going the right direction before we told anyone.

Things are going quite well, and I imagine you will be seeing more of her around, and most likely less of me around. Nothing official yet, we haven't even told our families yet. But you guys needed to know. Thanks for everything you have done (and not done) in that regard.

NewsFlash

This just in from my physics professor: The Great Plains have become the Great Planes.

This guy literally threw a stack of syllabi into the class. Fetch yes.

I am going to settle Catan tonight hard core and I challenge any man who thinketh himself a man to try and stop me.

I will pillage you no end. No matter what I roll, I'll end up with 2 of everything plus an additional two woodsen. And you all can just eat rocks. Unless I want them for a city. In which case I will wrest them from you and you will end up with nothing. Maybe a development card for a chapel. That way you can have a freebie victory point and a place where you can pray for mercy, only to have your prayers answered with me surrounding your feeble colonies with more roads and placing the filthy black robber next to your only sheep-producing territory.

Brooke in the Boys' room

Funny story about one of our honorary members of the Sweet16.

Dear Brooke was in a public restroom for about 5 minutes when she asked April, "Why does this bathroom have urinals in it?"

True story. I guess that's all I have to say about that.

The Greek tragedy of Jeremy Lindstrom

This is perhaps the worst thing to ever happen to anybody.

So Jeremy around midnight breaks up with a certain girl from Rexburg over the phone.
Shortly after Jeremy decides on a whim to go and break up with her to her face even after the deed has already been done.
Jeremy leaves house in car.
Drives 5 hours to Rexburg.
Breaks up with the girl face-t0-face
Jeremy is in car and on his way home again within an hour of arriving.
Jeremy is pulled over for doing 75 mph in a 65 area. $75 ticket.
Jeremy speeds again and slides off the road. $75 ticket. $175 towing?
Jeremy speeds yet again, falls asleep at the wheel and rear-ends a semi-truck. He totals his car. The cops gave him a third ticket, this one has no price on it (I imagine his license is getting revoked. Just like on Dan in Real Life...Three strikes, yer out!).
Missed two classes. Got no breakfast. Got no lunch. Got no girlfriend. Got no car. Got no job. If he had pets, his pet's heads probably would be falling off.

This is the worst story I have ever heard.


Here is how the Mastercard commercial would look:

Gas from Provo to Rexburg: $50
One ticket: $75
Second ticket, tow truck: $250
Third ticket, license revocation, totalled car, getting stranded in Brigham City: $3000
The laughs everyone has at your expense for driving all that way to break up with your girlfriend: Priceless

Dane's date

Well, I finally made it onto this thing, nobody invited me for a while so i guess i struck out ebfore i even got up to bat... which interestingly enough, that is what happens to me when I actually play baseball...

just thought i would report on the date, so all you fools know what's going on. He name is Malori and my uncle set us up. She is really cool, and funny, but has a laugh and voice that i swear is the exact same as gretchen's. it was uncanny I kept looking to see if she had that mission impossible voice thing on her neck.

josh, she lived in chile for a while and speaks sweety spanish, so if you would want to take her out...gimmie a holla.

holla

video man Josh

I would like to point out that the old biddies shut Josh down today. He comes in to the office to film me while I am working, and one of them says, "what's going on here?" "Oh, I am making a piece about the greatness of the education department and all the education majors here." "has Linda approved it?" "Umm, Linda?"

EAC Old Biddies 1
Josh 0

the race is on

Women and Baseball

Nat: yes sir
she said the people at the health center said it was strep
"i was going to call last night but I wanted to wait until morning to see if I feel better, and I dont..."
4:48 PM me: wow, she went to the health center? she must have been feeling pretty crappy
or pretty streppy
she texted to cancel?
Nat: yes
sent 3
and then some
after i responded
4:49 PM i asked her what she had planned for the weekend: "Sleeping and or dying"
me: so be it
Nat: yup
she said "i hope you aren't mad!!"
4:50 PM i said, "well, we'll count this as a ball rather than a strike"
me: doesnt make sense
you could have just said, "relax, it's only your first strike"
do you even know how baseball works Nat?
4:51 PM Nat: yes i do
i know it doesnt work perfect
the analogy
b/c a ball is the pitchers fault
and i am not at fault here
me: luckily she knows bumpkis about baseball
4:52 PM Nat: but it works in the sense that she's not in a condition to swing the bat so we'll let her slide
yeah i am lucky there
me: you only slide when you're going to second, third or home. There is no reason to slide when she's not even running for first
4:53 PM Nat: ok ok when i just said slide i didnt mean it in baseball terms
me: if she's in no condition to swing the bat, then she should be benched
you should have just said, "just sit this inning out then"
Nat: she is benched until she gets better
ok, Josh, you are a master of the analogy
i should have consulted with you
, master
4:54 PM me: it doesn't matter...maybe you two are more compatible than I give you credit for
Nat: i will make no predictions
4:55 PM me: yeah, when you make predictions, you get letters telling you that you're a "nutcase"
Nat: haha
me: when the correct term should be "crackerjack box" or "a bag of sunflower seeds"
Nat: well, you've got to learn to make good predicitions
4:57 PM Nat: to know when it's time to pull the pitcher and put in the closer
4:58 PM me: hang on, none of us is the pitcher
when I said she struck out, it doesn't mean I was pitching
nor did it mean that you were pitching during your little "ball" aside
4:59 PM Nat: so who is the pitcher?
me: no pitching nor closing is done by any of us
me: there really isn't pitching, because nobody is trying to make anyone strike out
it's more like tee-ball
Nat: hahaha
that's true
me: the only reason why someone would strike out is if they were a. intending to, or b. retarded

Some interesting truths about Nat

The following conversation actually took place. The

11:12 AM Okay Nat.
We're going to take a little survey.
The test is very simple, it is a yes or no test.
11:13 AM If the answer is no, write no. If the answer is yes, write nothing. That is, do not respond if the answer is yes. Ready to begin?
11:16 AM I will take it by your non-answer that you mean yes. That is correct, good answer. First question: Are you a happy man?
11:18 AM So by your non-answer you have confirmed that you are a gay homo-sapien, is that correct?
11:19 AM yes again. Thank you for clearing that up.
11:20 AM Next question: Have you ever stolen medical supplies from Children's Hospitals?11:22 AM Your answer than is "yes". Next question: do you or do you not have a crush on Krista [last name omitted to protect the innocent] of the Elementary Education office?
11:23 AM so the answer is...yes.
11:24 AM Next question: Have you ever told your friends at any time that you think Krista has a crush on you?
11:27 AM so that's a yes as well
11:28 AM Next question: do you plan to date April or Melissa if either or both Johns stops dating them?
11:29 AM I'll take that as a yes
11:30 AM Next question (submitted by Derek): Are you going to "bust a move" on Lindsay at the concert tonight?
11:31 AM So that's a yes as well. Next question: Will she pull away in disgust?
11:33 AM Also yes. okay then. Next question: Have you in the last 48 hours licked the window of a girl's apartment while making obscene gestures with your hands?
11:35 AM I'll take that as a yes.
11:37 AM Next question: Did you play Rock Band in my apartment last night completely nude?11:38 AM Also yes! Next question: Are you plotting the overthrow of the United States government because you blame them for taking away Egg Nog each year?
11:40 AM so that's a yes. Next question: do you have to use rubber/plastic sheets?
11:41 AM also yes.
11:42 AM Next question: Can I keep your can-opener?
11:43 AM Yes? Gee thanks man.

Nat: ive been gone...
11:44 AM me: Thank you for your participation in our survey

Nat: i am just getting out of the meeting

Def Leppard

Alright, after much consideration and brainstorming and pondering and laborious thinking and sleepless, sweaty nights thinking about the future of our basketball team, I think I may have come up with a solution.  As everyone should know, the rules pretty clearly say that what we are planning on doing is not going to go over very well with the intramural office.  Here are some possible solutions to that:

1.  We do our crazy thang the first game, and most likely they pull us into the main offices, tell us to stop and we play serious the rest of the season.

2.  We play serious the whole season and the last game we go buck wild and even if they have a probelm, they can't kick us out.

3.  My personal favorite, is that we play serious the whole season, but ever 6 points or so we score in the game, we pull out a play.  That way they can't be mad at us for not taking it serious or playing hard, and we get to use our awesome plays.  

Anyway, let me know what you think.

corollary to Facebook Fast

I challenge all Elitists to see who can go the longest in refraining from facebook use.

It turns out that 33%+ of my study time is used on facebook. Since I have gone a full week without doing any homework, it behooveth me (and anyone else who is so addicted) to boycott facebook if only for a week.

Winner gets power and prestige.

Who's in?

FACEBOOK FAST

Gentlemen, I have started a weeklong facebook fast. I will not log in to facebook no matter what for the next 168 hours. If you do anything to my wall, or send me any messages, I will be forced to look at the email the facebook sends me, and then ignore it.

I think I can do it.

P.S. I totally forgot that we went on that canoe trip by moonlight. We need to get those pictures out in the open before I forget that timeless event again. Remember when our canoe got stuck and Nat had to get out and drag our canoe through the ice water? Yeah, that was pretty rough. Then we saw a flock of Moosen in the woodsen.

woozle wozzle.

Conversation with Nat's coworker

The following conversation took place today at 11:01 am. I was particularly proud of it and wanted to share. Note. Some parts of the conversation have been edited for style and content. The names are as they appeared on the chat window. NOTE: After everything she says, I reserve the right to say "That's what she said," because that's what she actually said!

Nat: good plan! well im off to the tire store

(6 minutes)

me: enjoy yourself
have fun buying tires
and replacing them
and rotating them
and inflating them
and deflating them
and reinflating them
and then kicking them
and then driving on the rims
and then walking around
and then looking around

Nat: hahaha this is actually krista now
nat accidentally left his thing up

me: Nat, you are not a girl
we've been over this

Nat: no he's not

me: you are Nat
you are a man

Nat: but he definitely works with one

me: don't speak in 3rd person either, Nat
remember to take your medication

Nat: i'll try to remind him tomorrow

me: and don't forget your accordion lessons
no, you do it
you take your medication
this is your problem

Nat: if i take the medication i dont think its gonna have the same affect
call me crazy

me: not his or hers or the government's problem

Nat: hahaha

me: Crazy, don't forget your medication
and call you Nat, Crazy

Nat: ok i'm getting off now i officially feel weird talking as nat

Def Leppard schedule

What up, jiggas!

Here is our schedule for basketball. I was fixin' to put us in the highest division so we could really upset the serious players. But they said that we would be moved down if we were really bad. So in order to avoid changes in schedules, I had us placed in the lowest division humanly possible. Any lower and we would be playing against the Teletubbies JV team.

Jan 24. - Thur. - 8:00 p.m. - 144 Richards
Feb 5. - Tues. - 9:00 p.m. - 144 Richards
Feb 16. - Sat. - 9:00 a.m. - 156 Richards
Feb 29. - Fri. - 8:00 p.m. - 144 Richards
Mar. 14 - Fri. - 6:00 p.m. - 144 Richards

Derek thinks that we are going to dominate. Personally I think "spank me sideways" is a good team motto. I expect Nat will have this all on google calendar and will send us all some invites for good measure.

The Def Leppard embryo is about to be birthed. Prepare to eat amniotic sac vestiges opposition!

Whoopsie Oatesy

Hey y'all. I just have to make amends to our dear friend Zack. Shortly after my early morning victory of Settlers of Catan over Derek and a stranger named Matt who shall go unnamed, I was sitting with Zack at the Intramural Sports office. The female clerk who was taking our money gave Zack a warm hug and then went to the back room. Zack then remarked to me, "We used to date." I then yelled out, "That's your ex-girlfriend!?!?!" The woman was astonished, embarrased, then upset, then wouldn't make eye contact with either of us. Zack blushed, as did she. She was real mad. I tried to smooth things over by saying, "I'm not even sorry." But to no avail....again. I tried to give her an apologetic hug, but she spurned my advances. Zack tried to apologize on my behalf, but she was not having it. She later texted Zack a response. He refused to show it to me.

So this is my public apology to Oatesy Foatesy. In my defense, I reserved you a spot to get an intramural schedule. So call it even?

And I make an appeal to all Elitists to harass Zack to show us what the woman texted to him.

BOO YAH!!!

Spank me sideways!

Bryant the Loser

Bryant you were engaged. Almost engaged. Then proposed to thrice. She left you at the altar on your wedding day.

I met you. Derek saw me. You just walked away. I'm blogging your story.

You came to BYU to avoid the friends of your ex-fiance who broke up with you on your wedding day. In her town of 60,000 people, 300 go to our school. You have met 7 of them. And they laugh at you.

You are a crap-magnet.

Thanks for sharing.

Yeah, no shhhh.

I posted nothing.

Guys Night Out Uber Alles

Listen, I don't know who crowned Josh the official Elite 8 planner, but I've got a good one to book for us: Cougarettes in Concert, Feb 27-Mar1. Ohhhhhhhhh baby. You should have all received an email with the details

Maybe this year one of us will be the man to walk on stage at the end with a long stemmed rose and a small black box...

Trip to the Cabin

As official planner of the Elite 8, I thought I bring to everyone's attention that we have a break on the 21st from school. So, for whom (is that right Zack?) ever needs to make arrangements with work and school, make sure you have that weekend free. Right now the plan is to go to the cabin, but its still in the planning. Let me know if there are any other ideas.

Oedipus Complexities

Alright...the next item of discussion. Nat and I decided that it would be interesting for all of us to decide which girl in the ward (or at least a girl that we all know) is most like the mom of each Elite8 member. After we have decided who each mom match is. We'll try and predict the outcome of a relationship between that Elitist and that sister in our ward. (Or we can evaluate how the relationship already went if that person already happened to date the girl most like his mom [Looking in Zack's direction])