Ok Fellas,
This is an ESPN article on first dates and dating advice given to us by the top college football coaches in the land. So liken them unto you.
The Dash looks for dating advice around the country
Forde
By Pat Forde
ESPN.com
(Archive)
Updated: September 23, 2008
Forty names, games, teams and minutiae making news in college football (coaching-box laptop [1] sold separately in South Bend, and completely innocuously, and never to be used to help gain a decided schematic advantage of any kind):
Dating X-And-O's
The latest proof that Texas Tech coach Mike Leach (2) is among the more fascinating football coaches on the planet comes from this YouTube clip. In it, Leach dispenses dating advice on his coach's show. Among his first-date stratagems: Avoid salad-intensive menus, thus "the girl will be forced to eat in front of you, which is something that women hate, but the earlier the better." Also: If the conversation is lagging, go to a coffee house so you can talk about "the bizarre-looking characters going in and out."
How long before Mike Leach gets an eHarmony endorsement?
What date could go wrong with advice like that? No wonder Leach's offenses score so often.
The fact Leach would field the question is tremendous. That he discussed it with a stone-cold straight face is supernatural, but in character. Leach could open the door to fetch the morning paper, be greeted by a Tyrannosaurus Rex on the front lawn and fail to change facial expression or voice inflection.
But it also got The Dash wondering what dating tips other coaches might offer young men on their campuses.
Bobby Petrino (3): "Flatter her all night -- but keep your eyes open. If you see a hotter girl, pretend to go to the bathroom and then slip off to get her phone number."
Rich Rodriguez (4): "Go with the no-huddle offense, and hope she doesn't respond with the no-cuddle defense."
Pete Carroll (5): "Treat her like someone special. Pour on the charm. Then once you get a commitment for a second date, make it clear that you have seven other bombshells lined up if she doesn't put out."
Bob Stoops (6): "It's all calendar-related. I've always had great success on first dates in September, October, November and December, but they bomb in early January for some reason."
Mike Gundy (7): "If she says something you don't like, stand up in the middle of the restaurant and scream your age at her."
You'll probably have better luck with Anya Monzikova's briefcase on "Deal or No Deal" than on a date with her.
Charlie Weis (8): "If things start going badly, remind her how lousy her ex-boyfriend was."
Jim Tressel (9): "Keep it conservative. Maybe an ice cream cone followed by a little sweater shopping. If she has a Southern accent, give up immediately."
Bobby Bowden (10): "Make that date last forever. Even if it's no fun by the end of the night and you can tell she'd like you to leave, just keep hanging on."
Joe Paterno (11): "Take her to see one of those new-fangled motion picture shows. I hear they have some in color these days."
Nick Saban (12): "Tell her you're too busy breaking down Tennessee's third-and-long offensive tendencies to go on some stupid date. Where is your commitment, son? Who gave you permission to have a life? Drop and give me 20."
And if your date turns out to be Dashette Anya Monzikova (13), bring your A-game and hope it's good enough.
1 year ago