1 year ago
Friday, May 16, 2008
Monday, May 12, 2008
New York trip: Day 1 and 2
Okay, I was sort of hoping this whole New York trip thing would sort of blow over since I knew that some of the guys at home were pretty upset with having to go to school and work and continue the angst and sexual frustration of the old King Henry place and the new Foxwood place. I thought the story of our trip would just send some over the edge and wipe out dozens in Brigham Square on a shooting spree (Nat?).
Since this is going to take a while, I am going to do this in segments. So here is Day 1, Friday, April 25, 2008.
13:10 Bryce and Josh throw neighbors' penguin Christmas decoration into tree.
13:12 Bryce and Josh throw eggs (6) at aforementioned penguin.
14:15 We load our stuff into Bryce's cousins' car. Bryce and John packed large luggage and are forced to share one seatbelt while Bryce's excessively large bag takes up two and one-third of the backseats. Josh sits in front with one of my two carry-on sized pieces while John and Bryce cuddle in their one seat.
16:29 Check in at airport. John pays $80 for overweight luggage. Bryce refuses to pay $80 and moves toiletries to his carry-on backpack. Josh's two carry-on sized pieces make it through without problem.
16:32 Bryce caught trying to smuggle toiletries containing more than 3 oz. of liquid onto plane. Bryce forced to surrender toiletries to security. Josh tells security lady that it is Bryce's first time leaving his small community and it is his first flight. She thinks it cute and allows me to take a picture of Bryce getting his toiletries confiscated.
17:21 Josh wins overwhelmingly over other passengers at in-flight trivia game. Raises fist in air to taunt other contestants.
Mavs win basketball game.
John laughs.
Bryce buys "The Golden Compass" with credit card for in-flight movie.
Bryce falls asleep watching Golden Compass.
John starts word puzzle.
John decides word puzzle is impossible.
John gives word puzzle to Josh.
Josh solves word puzzle in 30 seconds.
John orders cranberry juice to clean kidneys.
Josh orders tomato juice.
Bryce orders Sprite and a pocketful of mumbles (such are promises).
Gay man-steward calls Bryce "Sweetie" because he didn't know how to put his chair up for landing.
Gay man-steward helps Bryce with his chair.
Bryce gives back the pocketful of mumbles.
Day 2 - 04/26 - Saturday
01:00 Arrive at Crespo home - John Brunt kills Josh at ping pong.
01:12 Group meets John C's dog, Tonti. (Authors Note: When we heard that John was really excited about seeing his dog. We (or at least I) thought that it would be some mean giant German shepherd or something like that. It turned out to be this plump, little weiner Dachsund that was just sort of pathetic and didn't do anything. For the rest of trip I would call the dog "Hey Tonti, I-Can't-Believe-You're-John's-Dog")
01:32 John Brunt and Josh sleep in the same bed. John didn't realize what was happening until the next morning.
11:00 Everyone has to use one travel-size tube of toothpaste. Because Bryce gave his toothpaste away to the airport people.
11:32 Josh didn't know there was shampoo and used bodywash in lieu of shampoo.
12:30 - Sister Crespo tells us the story of how Stefen Zackery Oates called a girl and asked her out on her first date. After she accepted, Zack yelled, "April Fools" at which point the girl realized that she had been on speaker and heard the entire Priest's Quorum of Zack's ward. Apparently the invitation was feigned as an April Fools' Day "prank". The girl in question could hardly stand to show her face in Church for a year. We also found out that Zack tried asking out a 14-year-old.
14:15 Ferry to Ellis Island. We read maps looking for restaurants. We found a gay lounge. (I am not making this up) The location: Hell (see"New York City Day by Day" pg. 26).
15:00 Arrive at Ellis Island. We check out one audio tour so we don't all have to pay. We take turns rotating as narrator to entire group. Ellis Island is famous of course for being the location where millions of people saw Will Smith make Eva Mendes cry in the movie "Hitch."
While on Ellis Island we found out the origins of certain words like podunk (Algonquin), schnook, banjo, bum, nix, bud, schlep, ouch, schlock, futz, savvy, schlepper, tote (Totes!), boondock, phooey, poppycock, bozo, hunky-dory, kibitz, schnozz, shtik, schmo,
15:25 - Ellis Island is the tower of Babel. Nobody speaks English.
15:40 we learn that an x inscribed in a circle means that someone is definitely mentally ill. X is suspected mentally ill. S is senility. We felt like writing X's and S's on people's clothes with chalk. Just like they used to in the olden day.
16:35 We arrive on Manhattan Island at Battery Park taking the same ferry they used in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." Took our picture with the Statue of Liberty in background. John Brunt poses fitting an entire garbage barge in his mouth.
16:36 The first thing we do in New York? John C gets his picture next to a man dressed like Spiderman (Bryce thinks he is the real Spiderman. "That's his voice," Bryce says). Bryce takes picture with man who is dressed as Statue of Liberty. Statue of Liberty makes Bryce wear his Hepatitis-laden statue paraphernalia, makes Bryce pay him $1 for getting his picture with him. Bryce doesn't know how to just say no and walk away.
16:40 We spend 5 minutes trying to make the chiming steps play the notes to "N-B-C"
17:00 Arrive at Ground Zero. As we take a moment to reverently contemplate the bravery of those involved in the incident at that historical place, a short Asian man is clotheslined by a Parking sign.
17:05 Street protestors hand Josh a leaflet talking about the 9/11 conspiracy, setting a precedent for the rest of the trip. Josh would accept and keep anything that anybody handed him on the street for the rest of the trip.
17:20 St. Paul's Church. Saw George Washington's pew.
17:30 got bored of St. Paul's Church.
To be continued
Since this is going to take a while, I am going to do this in segments. So here is Day 1, Friday, April 25, 2008.
13:10 Bryce and Josh throw neighbors' penguin Christmas decoration into tree.
13:12 Bryce and Josh throw eggs (6) at aforementioned penguin.
14:15 We load our stuff into Bryce's cousins' car. Bryce and John packed large luggage and are forced to share one seatbelt while Bryce's excessively large bag takes up two and one-third of the backseats. Josh sits in front with one of my two carry-on sized pieces while John and Bryce cuddle in their one seat.
16:29 Check in at airport. John pays $80 for overweight luggage. Bryce refuses to pay $80 and moves toiletries to his carry-on backpack. Josh's two carry-on sized pieces make it through without problem.
16:32 Bryce caught trying to smuggle toiletries containing more than 3 oz. of liquid onto plane. Bryce forced to surrender toiletries to security. Josh tells security lady that it is Bryce's first time leaving his small community and it is his first flight. She thinks it cute and allows me to take a picture of Bryce getting his toiletries confiscated.
17:21 Josh wins overwhelmingly over other passengers at in-flight trivia game. Raises fist in air to taunt other contestants.
Mavs win basketball game.
John laughs.
Bryce buys "The Golden Compass" with credit card for in-flight movie.
Bryce falls asleep watching Golden Compass.
John starts word puzzle.
John decides word puzzle is impossible.
John gives word puzzle to Josh.
Josh solves word puzzle in 30 seconds.
John orders cranberry juice to clean kidneys.
Josh orders tomato juice.
Bryce orders Sprite and a pocketful of mumbles (such are promises).
Gay man-steward calls Bryce "Sweetie" because he didn't know how to put his chair up for landing.
Gay man-steward helps Bryce with his chair.
Bryce gives back the pocketful of mumbles.
Day 2 - 04/26 - Saturday
01:00 Arrive at Crespo home - John Brunt kills Josh at ping pong.
01:12 Group meets John C's dog, Tonti. (Authors Note: When we heard that John was really excited about seeing his dog. We (or at least I) thought that it would be some mean giant German shepherd or something like that. It turned out to be this plump, little weiner Dachsund that was just sort of pathetic and didn't do anything. For the rest of trip I would call the dog "Hey Tonti, I-Can't-Believe-You're-John's-Dog")
01:32 John Brunt and Josh sleep in the same bed. John didn't realize what was happening until the next morning.
11:00 Everyone has to use one travel-size tube of toothpaste. Because Bryce gave his toothpaste away to the airport people.
11:32 Josh didn't know there was shampoo and used bodywash in lieu of shampoo.
12:30 - Sister Crespo tells us the story of how Stefen Zackery Oates called a girl and asked her out on her first date. After she accepted, Zack yelled, "April Fools" at which point the girl realized that she had been on speaker and heard the entire Priest's Quorum of Zack's ward. Apparently the invitation was feigned as an April Fools' Day "prank". The girl in question could hardly stand to show her face in Church for a year. We also found out that Zack tried asking out a 14-year-old.
14:15 Ferry to Ellis Island. We read maps looking for restaurants. We found a gay lounge. (I am not making this up) The location: Hell (see"New York City Day by Day" pg. 26).
15:00 Arrive at Ellis Island. We check out one audio tour so we don't all have to pay. We take turns rotating as narrator to entire group. Ellis Island is famous of course for being the location where millions of people saw Will Smith make Eva Mendes cry in the movie "Hitch."
While on Ellis Island we found out the origins of certain words like podunk (Algonquin), schnook, banjo, bum, nix, bud, schlep, ouch, schlock, futz, savvy, schlepper, tote (Totes!), boondock, phooey, poppycock, bozo, hunky-dory, kibitz, schnozz, shtik, schmo,
15:25 - Ellis Island is the tower of Babel. Nobody speaks English.
15:40 we learn that an x inscribed in a circle means that someone is definitely mentally ill. X is suspected mentally ill. S is senility. We felt like writing X's and S's on people's clothes with chalk. Just like they used to in the olden day.
16:35 We arrive on Manhattan Island at Battery Park taking the same ferry they used in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." Took our picture with the Statue of Liberty in background. John Brunt poses fitting an entire garbage barge in his mouth.
16:36 The first thing we do in New York? John C gets his picture next to a man dressed like Spiderman (Bryce thinks he is the real Spiderman. "That's his voice," Bryce says). Bryce takes picture with man who is dressed as Statue of Liberty. Statue of Liberty makes Bryce wear his Hepatitis-laden statue paraphernalia, makes Bryce pay him $1 for getting his picture with him. Bryce doesn't know how to just say no and walk away.
16:40 We spend 5 minutes trying to make the chiming steps play the notes to "N-B-C"
17:00 Arrive at Ground Zero. As we take a moment to reverently contemplate the bravery of those involved in the incident at that historical place, a short Asian man is clotheslined by a Parking sign.
17:05 Street protestors hand Josh a leaflet talking about the 9/11 conspiracy, setting a precedent for the rest of the trip. Josh would accept and keep anything that anybody handed him on the street for the rest of the trip.
17:20 St. Paul's Church. Saw George Washington's pew.
17:30 got bored of St. Paul's Church.
To be continued
did the NY trip actually happen??
i thought we were going to get a report of the NY trip??
publish some stories!!
publish some stories!!
Monday, May 5, 2008
Apartment Meetings
Okay, so apartment 36 just had its very first apartment meeting with none other than our very own Stefen Zackery Oates conducting. Interestingly enough, the meeting lasted just as long as our old apartment meetings used to, although Joshua Guest was not present. Turns out that without the loud, obnoxious, completely irrelevant comments, outbursts, and otherwise indescribable verbal dilenquency of our beloved Josh Guest, Zack Oates can and will take up the same amount of time talking about who knows what, just vying to retain the center of attention. Therefore, take your pick: John Crespo trying ever so hard to keep the conversation focused amidst the ranting of Josh Guest, or Zack Oates using big lawyer words and wanting us all to vote on names for his new assortment of aquatic pets in Mason jars. I laughed harder in the old meetings . . .
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)