Death to the Speakerbox

Dane, will you please tell your German life partners to come get their speakerbox out of our humble kitchenspace? We need more liebensraum, man.  Don't be a frau.

It seems as though the Elite 8 gene pool has been severely watered down and then urinated in.

Exhibit A: The Elite 8 seating list as of 9:42 MST.

Adam Paora George Ruri
Deidre Edmunds
Elizabeth Anne Bell
Summer Valynn Price
Nathanael Jones Harward
Rebecca Edwards
Riena Suene Kalilimoku
Nicole Leilani Erickson
Cynthia Louise Swenson
Ryan P Stewart
Preston Coe Rigdon
Steele Michael Kizerian
Brandon Alden Snow
Brooke Stevens
Ian Esplin
Suzanne Mace
Lowell John Crespo
Jessica Annik Crane
Ryan Joseph Harman Brunt
Kaeli Ann Widmer
Cassidy Sherene Berghoff
Amanda Kizerian
Catherine Lily Bell
Tarah Latimer Ogzewalla
John Harman Brunt
Andrew Ross Godard
Elise May
David Kirk Jenkins
Alexa Christine Smith
Derek Andrew Senior
Julie Christine Lisonbee
Aaron Patrick Smith
Benjamin Douglas Nielsen
Miriam Jackson
Tess Marie Brown
Sean Gregory Young
Daniel Bruce Rupper
Rebecca Ruth Paul
Eric Robert Bell
Bryce Douglas Allen
Heather Jolie Burt
Kevin Hansen Brown
Marcus Franklin Johnson
Norman Taylor Seibold
Sarah Beth Gillespie
Brent Keith Homer
Joshua C Guest,

For a good laugh

So there I was perusing through the work telephone directory on my Microsoft Outlook at work, when many of the names caught my attention. Some indeed invoked audible chuckling. I present them now...perhaps you will find the inspiration for a future child's name. Who knows...

Melon Dong
Sky Xiao
Lemon Jiang
Article Zheng
Stone Zhang
Hebbe Liu
Nasi Li
Pen Zhao
Agao Chen
Salna He
Yoli Xia
Cherry Chen
Tisso Zhang
Winger Xu
Vendy Wu
Hunkim Zheng
Wellington Wang
Pink Ouyang
Snow Xue
Bardy Wong
Sanis Yip
Mirror He
Yuky Liu
Echo Gao
Tom Tong
Away Wei
Noopy Chui
Heymans Ho
Coffeea Wong
Jerssin Qu
Apple Pan
Winner Li

New York TravelBlog done

Dear Brethren,

The TravelBlog for New York has been completed. You may find it at guestmusings.blogspot.com

John Tesh. Josh Groban. Fonzie. Thumbs up. Chuck Norris.

Dear Brethren,

I have decided to go independent on my blogging endeavors simply because I want 100% of the advertising proceeds. Also the Elite8 will have plausible deniability for when the feds come after me from inciting uprisings, telling racist jokes bordering on the level of qualifying as hate crimes, and of course telling stories of the illegal activities carried out mostly by Bryce, Derek, and Nat, with the occasional stories of exhibitionism by Zack and soon-to-be Jeremy.

You all can find me at guestmusings.blogspot.com, though I imagine I'll be back. I'll be so alone on my own blog.

Cheers,

Josh

Heeeelllo

Hey all, I have a new cell phone number, 862 258 0891...so ya...  GET IN THE POT!! 

New York trip: Day 1 and 2

Okay, I was sort of hoping this whole New York trip thing would sort of blow over since I knew that some of the guys at home were pretty upset with having to go to school and work and continue the angst and sexual frustration of the old King Henry place and the new Foxwood place. I thought the story of our trip would just send some over the edge and wipe out dozens in Brigham Square on a shooting spree (Nat?).

Since this is going to take a while, I am going to do this in segments. So here is Day 1, Friday, April 25, 2008.

13:10 Bryce and Josh throw neighbors' penguin Christmas decoration into tree.
13:12 Bryce and Josh throw eggs (6) at aforementioned penguin.
14:15 We load our stuff into Bryce's cousins' car. Bryce and John packed large luggage and are forced to share one seatbelt while Bryce's excessively large bag takes up two and one-third of the backseats. Josh sits in front with one of my two carry-on sized pieces while John and Bryce cuddle in their one seat.
16:29 Check in at airport. John pays $80 for overweight luggage. Bryce refuses to pay $80 and moves toiletries to his carry-on backpack. Josh's two carry-on sized pieces make it through without problem.
16:32 Bryce caught trying to smuggle toiletries containing more than 3 oz. of liquid onto plane. Bryce forced to surrender toiletries to security. Josh tells security lady that it is Bryce's first time leaving his small community and it is his first flight. She thinks it cute and allows me to take a picture of Bryce getting his toiletries confiscated.
17:21 Josh wins overwhelmingly over other passengers at in-flight trivia game. Raises fist in air to taunt other contestants.
Mavs win basketball game.
John laughs.
Bryce buys "The Golden Compass" with credit card for in-flight movie.
Bryce falls asleep watching Golden Compass.
John starts word puzzle.
John decides word puzzle is impossible.
John gives word puzzle to Josh.
Josh solves word puzzle in 30 seconds.
John orders cranberry juice to clean kidneys.
Josh orders tomato juice.
Bryce orders Sprite and a pocketful of mumbles (such are promises).
Gay man-steward calls Bryce "Sweetie" because he didn't know how to put his chair up for landing.
Gay man-steward helps Bryce with his chair.
Bryce gives back the pocketful of mumbles.

Day 2 - 04/26 - Saturday
01:00 Arrive at Crespo home - John Brunt kills Josh at ping pong.
01:12 Group meets John C's dog, Tonti. (Authors Note: When we heard that John was really excited about seeing his dog. We (or at least I) thought that it would be some mean giant German shepherd or something like that. It turned out to be this plump, little weiner Dachsund that was just sort of pathetic and didn't do anything. For the rest of trip I would call the dog "Hey Tonti, I-Can't-Believe-You're-John's-Dog")
01:32 John Brunt and Josh sleep in the same bed. John didn't realize what was happening until the next morning.
11:00 Everyone has to use one travel-size tube of toothpaste. Because Bryce gave his toothpaste away to the airport people.
11:32 Josh didn't know there was shampoo and used bodywash in lieu of shampoo.
12:30 - Sister Crespo tells us the story of how Stefen Zackery Oates called a girl and asked her out on her first date. After she accepted, Zack yelled, "April Fools" at which point the girl realized that she had been on speaker and heard the entire Priest's Quorum of Zack's ward. Apparently the invitation was feigned as an April Fools' Day "prank". The girl in question could hardly stand to show her face in Church for a year. We also found out that Zack tried asking out a 14-year-old.
14:15 Ferry to Ellis Island. We read maps looking for restaurants. We found a gay lounge. (I am not making this up) The location: Hell (see"New York City Day by Day" pg. 26).
15:00 Arrive at Ellis Island. We check out one audio tour so we don't all have to pay. We take turns rotating as narrator to entire group. Ellis Island is famous of course for being the location where millions of people saw Will Smith make Eva Mendes cry in the movie "Hitch."
While on Ellis Island we found out the origins of certain words like podunk (Algonquin), schnook, banjo, bum, nix, bud, schlep, ouch, schlock, futz, savvy, schlepper, tote (Totes!), boondock, phooey, poppycock, bozo, hunky-dory, kibitz, schnozz, shtik, schmo,
15:25 - Ellis Island is the tower of Babel. Nobody speaks English.
15:40 we learn that an x inscribed in a circle means that someone is definitely mentally ill. X is suspected mentally ill. S is senility. We felt like writing X's and S's on people's clothes with chalk. Just like they used to in the olden day.
16:35 We arrive on Manhattan Island at Battery Park taking the same ferry they used in "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days." Took our picture with the Statue of Liberty in background. John Brunt poses fitting an entire garbage barge in his mouth.
16:36 The first thing we do in New York? John C gets his picture next to a man dressed like Spiderman (Bryce thinks he is the real Spiderman. "That's his voice," Bryce says). Bryce takes picture with man who is dressed as Statue of Liberty. Statue of Liberty makes Bryce wear his Hepatitis-laden statue paraphernalia, makes Bryce pay him $1 for getting his picture with him. Bryce doesn't know how to just say no and walk away.
16:40 We spend 5 minutes trying to make the chiming steps play the notes to "N-B-C"
17:00 Arrive at Ground Zero. As we take a moment to reverently contemplate the bravery of those involved in the incident at that historical place, a short Asian man is clotheslined by a Parking sign.
17:05 Street protestors hand Josh a leaflet talking about the 9/11 conspiracy, setting a precedent for the rest of the trip. Josh would accept and keep anything that anybody handed him on the street for the rest of the trip.
17:20 St. Paul's Church. Saw George Washington's pew.
17:30 got bored of St. Paul's Church.

To be continued