Conversation with Library Circulation

The Library sent me an email recalling a Billy Joel sheet music book. They want it back. It was an automated email, but I figured it might be fun to respond. Here is the conversation we had on April 1, 2008.

Dear Patron;

The following item is being recalled by the Harold B. Lee Library in accordance with the policy below. Please return this item to the Main Circulation Desk before the recall due date noted.

Title: THE BEST OF BILLY JOEL

M 1630.18 .J63 B32 1985 VOL.2

Recall Due Date: APRIL 8, 2008

...

Thank you for your cooperation. If you have any questions, please contact us at 422-2913, or reply to this email.

Access Services Department

Holds/Recalls Secretaries

3445 Harold B. Lee Library

Brigham Young University

Fine, you can have it. I won't fight it. That's cool. Ain't no thang. Mos def. Yih, you know I be diggin' on dat music by mista William Joel. But iss aight. Me and my buds goin' be clubbin' on clubs and jammin' out tunes like whoa, ya know? We be likin' that Bill. But if we caint have the Bill, then iss aight.

Proper.

Totes.

Holla.

J-flub, out. Piz-EACE y'all.

Wow, can I tell you that that just made my day? Thanks.

Y'know, gurl . I be glad dat you be mackin' on mah streetsmart vernacular. I be poppin' out dis multifarious verbiage from da cradle to grave yo. If'n you needa talk to somebody who be backin' yo back (ya' never know when somebody goin' be wakin' up from breffist o somethin' and says to hisself, "Oh! I hate my life, I'm going to burn this library down!" And you goin' be needin' somebody to keep yo' back, I mean keep it yo.) You can just email me. You can email me. Yih.

B-Snap. ShaZAM!

Pretty women, big thugs, one and the same.

J-flip. a-WHAAAA!

Out.

Thanks for the offer. You should apply to be a security guard. I’m sure with all that experience in the ‘hood, you will be able to handle anything, right?

Suck it, Trebek.